No matter how tough things are I am forever loved and lucky. These are just two of my many loved ones.
M and our Furbaby Whiskers the cat, who NEVER fails to comfort me in my times of need by simply loving me and spoiling me with affection.

Today

Today has been really tough, but it got so much better in the late afternoon.

I found out that Obamacare fucked up (surprise surprise) when I switched my health care coverage a month ago and that it’s now too late to switch plans to be worthwhile (I was switching to the plan that the Homebirth Midwives accept) and someone didn’t file it on Obamacare’s end. The soonest that the insurance could go threw (if I won the appeal) would be the first week of June - which is very helpful when I am due June the third /sarcasm.

So, I am officially stuck with a Hospital birth which I was trying to avoid at all costs this entire pregnancy - UNLESS there is a REAL Birthing Center within an hour drive that also accepts the shitty insurance I was enrolled in without ever informing me that I had to choose off a list of Medicaid new HMOs. So fuck.

I did discover that there is a Hospital 45 minutes away that does allow Water Births, so hopefully I can get over there soon with M on his day off or after work for a Tour. So maybe there is hope of as best of a Birth as I could possibly have while stuck in a Hospital.

As if finding out that Obamacare fucked up royally and didn’t do there job wasn’t enough, my grandma cancelled the plans that we had set for the past week - an hour after they were supposed to begin. Normally this wouldn’t bother me because I am so used to people canceling the plans we had made (though I have to admit that usually they just pull no show no call stunts) but after the morning of being on the phone I had already had plus suffering stress induced cramps and the feeling of crushing defeat at my fate it was just not a good mixture at all.

Tomorrow is our next Prenatal Appointment, and from there we need to schudule an appointment with the specialist that does high risk pregnancy prenatal care. Hopefully during that meeting with the specialist I don’t get stuck in the High Risk Pregnancy track - if I am classified as high risk my chances of being cut open for a c-section or induced are much much higher :(

Luckily my day got better. M returned from work, spoiled me with kisses, hugs, cuddles, watching our current show on Netflix, cooking together, showering together being playful and loving followed by amazing fun of dessert ;) and sexy playtime and a short nap together. Not to forget home date night - movie and popcorn at home cuddled together and our furbaby (cat) keeping us loved with purs and cuteness.

Easter ER Visit

I’m 34.5 weeks pregnant and had swelling for the first time. Within a few hours it went from just one foot up both calfs and up both thighs and was painful to walk and touch my thighs with a lot of discoloration, combined with the baby wasn’t moving at all (normally he’s kicking my ass all day long).

Went to the ER were they took a bunch of of blood, and did a sonogram on my legs and stomach. They were worried that it was either a blood clot or highly spiked blood pressure which they informed me if it was they would admit me into the hospital and either induce me or give me a c-section. I was okay in the end and was discharged over five hours later, but I have edema, and slow moving blood. I need to see my midwife and do a follow-up appointment with a high risk pregnancy doctor

Also, they found a cyst on the baby’s kidneys , which they said nothing can be done about at this stage other than monitor him closely.
For the past two days I’ve kept my legs elevated, switched between laying down and walking a little bit at a time, restricted water intake, cut salt as much as I could and everything else that they ordered me to do.
The swelling has gone down in my legs, but not my feet. I still feel as if I’m walking on a balloon, and my feet and ankles are hurting so much still and my legs still feel jello-like in the bad way.

I’m noticing hard time swallowing tonight, my tummy is all tight, and my chest is tight too and I can’t tell if it’s heartburn, if I need a great burb, or if it’s something worst. I am hoping that this doesn’t put me into high risk pregnancy, but it’s not looking so great at the moment in my opinion.

And to top everything off I switched health insurance though Obamacare on March 25th and was supposed to get my new card 10-14 days after that. It’s still not here and my current insurance runs out in eight days on May 1.

I have no idea what I’m going to do. Please keep me and our little Jumping Bean in your thoughts. I’m beginning to worry, 

psychophancy:

So I think I may have enough underwear.

You, Sir Andy, put me to shame. I don’t think I currently have more than ten pairs currently :X

psychophancy:

So I think I may have enough underwear.

You, Sir Andy, put me to shame. I don’t think I currently have more than ten pairs currently :X

Boredom Cured

Boredom from being a “Housewife” (unwed housewife) while pregnant due in six weeks, not in college, and not working with a very strong Type A Personality, loves to learn everything because I can and am a sponge soaking up all the knowledge plus being a workaholic that feels like a complete loser and worthless without anything to do while stuck home?

I have discovered the cure for my problems : www.coursera.org where I can take s while bunch of classes free from universities around the world.

Do they get added to my Transcript? No but I don’t care. Learning! Knowledge! Professor(s), from nearly any university and subject, and it doesn’t cost me extra. Hell yes!

First class began today - already watched all the weeks lecture videos, took detailed notes, and did my assignments and turned them in. Can’t they post next week’s work yet? My current next class doesn’t begin for another seven days.

Such a long wait (a week) for more work to do. UGH!

Yes, I fully know that I am insane =P

hannigraham:

Hey everyone! I’m sure you remember this lovely post suggesting fantastic movies of queer ladies. And I thought that I might be of help, and give you links to those movies with some lovely lesbian romance.
To see the summaries of the films, check the post that gave me the idea. They make good summaries, and make them funny too. :)


R O M - C O M S

Kyss Mig(Kiss Me)
The Four-Faced Liar, 
The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love
Saving Face
Nina’s Heavenly Delights
Yes or No
I Can’t Think Straight
Desert Hearts

F U N N Y  S H I T

D.E.B.S.
But I’m a Cheerleader
Itty Bitty Titty Committee

A C T I O N / T H R I L L E R / M Y S T E R Y

The Hunger
Bound
Kill for Me
Chloe
Cracks
The Moth Diaries
Affinity

P E R I O D  D R A M A S

The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister
Fingersmith part 1, Fingersmith part 2
Tipping the Velvet episode 1
The Night Watch
Viola di mare
Farewell, My Queen

H O T  A S  F U C K

Bloomington
A Perfect Ending
Elena Undone
When Night Is Falling
Room in Rome

D R A M A S

Circumstance
Loving Annabelle
Gia
Blue Is the Warmest Colour
Aimée & Jaguar

T E E N A G E R S ?

Lost and Delirious
Show Me Love
Water Lilies
My Summer of Love
Pariah

T R A N S  W O M E N ?

En Soap
Laurence Anyways

O T H E R S

Bye Bye Blondie
The Secrets
The World Unseen

hannigraham:

Hey everyone! I’m sure you remember this lovely post suggesting fantastic movies of queer ladies. And I thought that I might be of help, and give you links to those movies with some lovely lesbian romance.

To see the summaries of the films, check the post that gave me the idea. They make good summaries, and make them funny too. :)

R O M - C O M S
F U N N Y  S H I T
A C T I O N / T H R I L L E R / M Y S T E R Y
P E R I O D  D R A M A S
H O T  A S  F U C K
D R A M A S
T E E N A G E R S ?
T R A N S  W O M E N ?
O T H E R S

(via iamacollectionofmiscellanyandtea)

You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off.

If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.”

On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact, and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off.

The fourth point: If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem.

There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee, for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?

Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.

This man scores higher on the threat level scale than Man with the Cockroach Tattoos. (Who, after all, is guilty of nothing more than terrifying bad taste.) You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.

So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.

For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data.

an excerpt from Phaedra Starling’s “Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced” (via lostgrrrls)

HOLY FUCK THE TRUTH.

Can every one of my male followers read this? And please, before you get defensive (“I would never rape anyone!”) keep in mind, women being afraid of Shrodinger’s Rapists (oh my god i still can’t get over the encompassing brilliance of this phrase) is a conditioned, learned response from being immersed in rape culture and the evolution of sexism and sexual violence in our society from the day we’re born. And unfortunately, it’s very difficult to unlearn without the efforts of all genders to dismantle it. Which is where you come in.

(via lil-ith)

It’s also just rude and disrespectful to patently ignore what someone has told you regarding their personal space, body, and time. Get a clue.

(via geekdomme)

I will always reblog this. Always.

(via myherocomplex)

This is wonderful. Why haven’t I seen this before?

(via round—robin)

(via infamous-angel-deactivated20140)

Gorgeous Day sitting in a beam of sunshine. Too bad it’s terribly windy outside and cold as a result :(  

I feel like I should be on a beach somewhere right now while wearing this silky peacock green dress.

Gorgeous Day sitting in a beam of sunshine. Too bad it’s terribly windy outside and cold as a result :(

I feel like I should be on a beach somewhere right now while wearing this silky peacock green dress.

selfcareafterrape:

Not every survivor remembers the date it happened. However, for the ones that do, these dates can be terrifying reminders of the past. 
Personally, my traumaversary is Oct 29th. I started making plans for how to handle it 3 months in advance. Planning ahead, as far as you can, is probably a good thing to do.
Before Hand:
If you’re in college, talk to your professors. See if you can be excused from class that day, complete work due that day ahead of time, stuff like that.
If you’re able to, see if you can take off work that day, or if nothing else, just give a heads up to your boss that you may not be at your best.
Remove temptation. If you’re worried you may hurt yourself that day, go ahead and get rid of the things you could do so with. Even if it is only asking a friend to hold on to them until you’re feeling better. This is not a sign of weakness, it is not you being a burden. It is you realizing that it probably isn’t going to be a good day and you don’t want to relapse if you can help it. It is a big step, and I am super proud of you.
See if people are willing to check in with you. Whether it be a phone call, a text, a facebook chat, or coming to hang out with you- it is nice to know that people are going to be there for you on that day. 
Prepare. Make food before hand or have things that can be mircrowaved, have ‘easy’ clothing sets ready, You may surprise yourself and that day be perfectly okay- but it’s better to have things on hand just in case. 
Leave nice notes for yourself. Or have a friend help you. Especially if you think the day is going to be really rough. Having a note on the fridge, the bathroom mirror, the door… Little ‘remember, you can make it through this. I believe in you’ and various things can wonderful.
The Day of:
Be kind to yourself. It isn’t your fault if you’re upset or angry or spend all day crying. It isn’t your fault. There is nothing /wrong/ with you for reacting. You are a human being who has been through terrible trauma and anyone who judges you for how you heal is ignorant and cruel. There is also nothing wrong with you if the day goes perfectly well and you aren’t affected at all. It doesn’t mean that what happened wasn’t terrible. It just means you’re at a different place in your journey.
Know that you’re in control. You’re allowed to be alone that day if you want. You’re allowed to surround yourself with friends. You’re allowed to go out in public. You’re allowed to stay at home. Do not feel like you have to do one thing or another. Your main concern on this day should be you. Even if you make plans, you’re allowed to change them. Just because you decide a week in advance that you’re going to do plan A doesn’t mean that you aren’t allowed to throw that to the wind and do something else on that day.
Memorialize it. Now this is a personal choice, not everyone -wants- to make their trauma dates into memorials and that is a-okay. But for a lot of us, it is about taking back that day and turning it into something new. Get a tattoo. Plant a tree.  Go sky diving. Go to a theme park and ride roller coasters all day. Anything that you could look back on that date and go ‘I did it.’ 
Self Care. Take a day for self care. Watch terrible romantic comedies/sci-fi flicks/horror movies all day. Take a bubble bath. Spend time with friends who love you. Drink your favorite tea/coffee. Go to the humane shelter and pet dogs/cats. Whatever it is that you think would make you feel better? Do it.
Make something. Follow your own emotions with it. Paint. Draw. Sculpt. Even if you’ll later destroy it. Even if you finish it- you immediately rip it apart or set it on fire. At least you got it out of your system.
Give back. I know plenty of survivors who choose to spend their anniversaries volunteering in one way or another. Go through your closet and donate old clothes to a shelter that helps survivors. Make a care package with a letter to donate to a women’s shelter- pass on encouragement and advice. 
Whatever you choose to do, in whatever combination- be easy on yourself. Take a moment every now and then to check in with yourself, and ask if you’re okay. 
No matter what, I want you all to remember that I believe in you. You made it through the trauma, and you can make it through this. And I’m not saying that to silence your pain.
Your pain is valid. Your hurt is valid. You are valid.
Take care of yourself, okay?

selfcareafterrape:

Not every survivor remembers the date it happened. However, for the ones that do, these dates can be terrifying reminders of the past. 

Personally, my traumaversary is Oct 29th. I started making plans for how to handle it 3 months in advance. Planning ahead, as far as you can, is probably a good thing to do.

Before Hand:

If you’re in college, talk to your professors. See if you can be excused from class that day, complete work due that day ahead of time, stuff like that.

If you’re able to, see if you can take off work that day, or if nothing else, just give a heads up to your boss that you may not be at your best.

Remove temptation. If you’re worried you may hurt yourself that day, go ahead and get rid of the things you could do so with. Even if it is only asking a friend to hold on to them until you’re feeling better. This is not a sign of weakness, it is not you being a burden. It is you realizing that it probably isn’t going to be a good day and you don’t want to relapse if you can help it. It is a big step, and I am super proud of you.

See if people are willing to check in with you. Whether it be a phone call, a text, a facebook chat, or coming to hang out with you- it is nice to know that people are going to be there for you on that day. 

Prepare. Make food before hand or have things that can be mircrowaved, have ‘easy’ clothing sets ready, You may surprise yourself and that day be perfectly okay- but it’s better to have things on hand just in case. 

Leave nice notes for yourself. Or have a friend help you. Especially if you think the day is going to be really rough. Having a note on the fridge, the bathroom mirror, the door… Little ‘remember, you can make it through this. I believe in you’ and various things can wonderful.

The Day of:


Be kind to yourself. It isn’t your fault if you’re upset or angry or spend all day crying. It isn’t your fault. There is nothing /wrong/ with you for reacting. You are a human being who has been through terrible trauma and anyone who judges you for how you heal is ignorant and cruel. There is also nothing wrong with you if the day goes perfectly well and you aren’t affected at all. It doesn’t mean that what happened wasn’t terrible. It just means you’re at a different place in your journey.

Know that you’re in control. You’re allowed to be alone that day if you want. You’re allowed to surround yourself with friends. You’re allowed to go out in public. You’re allowed to stay at home. Do not feel like you have to do one thing or another. Your main concern on this day should be you. Even if you make plans, you’re allowed to change them. Just because you decide a week in advance that you’re going to do plan A doesn’t mean that you aren’t allowed to throw that to the wind and do something else on that day.

Memorialize it. Now this is a personal choice, not everyone -wants- to make their trauma dates into memorials and that is a-okay. But for a lot of us, it is about taking back that day and turning it into something new. Get a tattoo. Plant a tree.  Go sky diving. Go to a theme park and ride roller coasters all day. Anything that you could look back on that date and go ‘I did it.’ 

Self Care. Take a day for self care. Watch terrible romantic comedies/sci-fi flicks/horror movies all day. Take a bubble bath. Spend time with friends who love you. Drink your favorite tea/coffee. Go to the humane shelter and pet dogs/cats. Whatever it is that you think would make you feel better? Do it.

Make something. Follow your own emotions with it. Paint. Draw. Sculpt. Even if you’ll later destroy it. Even if you finish it- you immediately rip it apart or set it on fire. At least you got it out of your system.

Give back. I know plenty of survivors who choose to spend their anniversaries volunteering in one way or another. Go through your closet and donate old clothes to a shelter that helps survivors. Make a care package with a letter to donate to a women’s shelter- pass on encouragement and advice. 

Whatever you choose to do, in whatever combination- be easy on yourself. Take a moment every now and then to check in with yourself, and ask if you’re okay. 

No matter what, I want you all to remember that I believe in you. You made it through the trauma, and you can make it through this. And I’m not saying that to silence your pain.

Your pain is valid. Your hurt is valid. You are valid.

Take care of yourself, okay?

(via itstotallyher)

asker

rhojoprocesses asked: So my Husband made his very first date for next week. I feel like my heart has been in a vice ever since he told me. I have never been so scared. He would call all of this off if I asked but as much as this hurts I can't do it. God how do you do this

psychophancy:

jeneepooh:

My heart is breaking for you - you sound so terrified and unhappy. Are you sure you two are ready for this? Have you really talked it out? If you’re determined to stay the course, here are some recommendations:

  1. Be clear with him about what time he will leave for the date and when he will return home. For a first date, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect him to come home that night. If something changes and he’s going to be late, he needs to check in with you (I’d suggest by phone, as that can be more comforting than a text).
  2. Be clear with him about what activities you can/not handle him engaging in on this date. Is it ok if he kisses her? Hugs her? If they make out? Have sex?
  3. If sex is a possibility, he MUST bring condoms. And use them.
  4. You can expect that his date will have questions about his marriage and you. If there are things you’d like to keep private, you should discuss that with your husband before the date.
  5. The day/night of the date, you should have your own plans. Go over to a girlfriend’s house, get dinner, see a movie. Do NOT sit at home watching the clock. You will make yourself completely miserable.
  6. The next day, the two of you should plan time to debrief and reconnect. Maybe brunch? (avoid too many mimosas during the debrief!). There may be things you don’t want to hear about his date - if something comes up you’re uncomfortable hearing about, let him know that you’re not ready for that level of detail.
  7. Have sex.
  8. If he’s going to see her again, I suggest you meet her. For me, it’s not worth the hassle for a first date that my husband may never see again, but if he’s going to have an on-going relationship, I want to know who he’s spending his time with. I find that meeting the other women makes me less anxious. Seeing them as real people, and not goddesses that are going to steal away my husband, makes me feel a whole lot less insecure.
  9. At some point, if he continues dating, I strongly suggest that you give it a try, too. I didn’t “get” having an open marriage until I met someone I really liked and started seeing on a regular basis. Meeting that person helped me understand that I had infinite love to give and sharing it with another man did not take anything away from my husband. If anything, it increased my love for him.

I hope that helps some. Please let me know how things go. If I’m not already booked that night, I’m happy to chat you through any rough patches. (((hugs)))

I would add in a few things:

  1. It’s normal and it’s OK to feel freaked out. It’s OK to not feel “ready” for this. All the emotions—the fear, the insecurity, the borderline panic—are natural. You’re likely imagining the worst-case scenario: he goes out, they have wild monkey-love all night, he comes home to tell you how much more amazing his date was than any date he’s ever had with you and they’re going to be moving in together as soon as possible. Intuitively and rationally, it’s easy to know that isn’t how things will play out. In all likelihood, he’ll have an enjoyable chat and maybe a nice hug & a kiss (depending on what you two have agreed he’s OK to do). It’s entirely possible he’ll get there and discover there’s absolutely no connection. But emotionally, well, that’s a tougher battle to fight.
  2. BUT: It gets easier. The first step is always the most difficult one to take. When you look back, it probably won’t seem so bad; you may find yourself wondering why you even spent so much time worrying. (It’s OK, of course, if that doesn’t happen; everyone is different.) The next time it happens, it’ll be less of a big deal. And so on. Seeing my partners excited after a good date is energizing, because they’re usually excited to tell me about it and are just happier in general. So if your husband’s date goes phenomenally well, you’ll get to enjoy a happier hubby.
  3. It’s normal and OK if it isn’t consistently easier. There are things that unexpectedly trip me up. And it’s never the things I think will be the most difficult to deal with that turn out to be the most difficult. It’s pretty consistently something from way out in left field that I just had absolutely not anticipated.
  4. Pay attention to how you feel, what you’re thinking about, etc., as the situation plays itself out. Share that with your husband afterward. It’s vitally important that he know and understand things from your side; odds are he will be feeling the same things when you go out on your own first date with someone new. Paradoxically, this will allow you guys an opportunity for the two of you to connect and grow on a totally new and different level.

All the best.

Yes, yes and yes. Did I say yes? Yes to both of their replies.

asker

wildhaunt asked: I missed it too. It just started then - storm clouds :/

Oh no! To me that sounds even worst than just completely missing it wildhaunt. It’s such a tease.

asker

poly-for-you asked: Thanks for the add doll! Our blog is new so we appreciate the love.

Your welcome poly-for-you, and welcome to the Poly World on Tumblr. I’m glad to make your acquaintance and hope that your enjoy your journey here. 

kill your curiosity

  • 1. Last kiss
  • 2. Last phone call
  • 3. Last text message
  • 4. Last song you listened to
  • 5. Last time you cried
  • HAVE YOU EVER:
  • 6. Dated someone twice
  • 7. Been cheated on
  • 8. Self harmed
  • 9. Lost someone special
  • 10. Been depressed
  • 11. Been drunk and threw up
  • THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
  • 12. had sex
  • 13. How many people have you had sex with this year?
  • 15. Made a new friend
  • 17. Laughed until you cried
  • 18. Met someone who changed you
  • 19. Found out who your true friends were
  • 20. Found out someone was talking about you
  • 26. What did you do for your last Birthday
  • 27. What time did you wake up today
  • 29. Name something you CANNOT wait for
  • 30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time
  • 31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life
  • 32. What are you listening to right now
  • 33. When is the last time you had sex?
  • 34. Who's getting on your nerves right now
  • 35. Most visited webpage
  • 36. Favorite colour
  • 37. Nicknames
  • 38. Relationship Status
  • 39. Zodiac sign
  • 40. Male or female
  • 41. Primary school
  • 42. Secondary School
  • 43. High school/college
  • 44. Eye color
  • 46. Height
  • 47. Do you have a crush on someone
  • 48. What do you like about yourself
  • 49. Piercings
  • 50. Tattoos
  • 51. Righty or lefty
  • FIRSTS:
  • 53. First piercing
  • 54. First best friend
  • 55. First hookup
  • 56. First Bestfriend
  • RIGHT NOW:
  • 59. Eating
  • 60. Drinking
  • 61. I'm about to
  • 62. Listening to
  • 63. Waiting for
  • YOUR FUTURE:
  • 64. Want kids?
  • 65. Get married?
  • 66. Career
  • WHICH IS BETTER:
  • 67. Lips or eyes
  • 68. Hugs or kisses
  • 69. Shorter or taller
  • 70. Older or Younger
  • 71. Romantic or spontaneous
  • 72. Nice stomach or nice arms
  • 73. Sensitive or loud
  • 74. Hook-up or relationship
  • HAVE YOU EVER:
  • 76. Kissed a stranger
  • 77. Drank hard liquor
  • 78. Lost glasses/contacts
  • 79. Had sex
  • 80. Broken someone's heart
  • 82. Been arrested
  • 83. Turned someone down
  • 84. Cried when someone died
  • 85. Fallen for a friend
  • DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
  • 86. Yourself
  • 87. Miracles
  • 88. Love at first sight
  • 89. Heaven
  • 90. Santa Clause
  • 91. Kiss on the first date
  • 92. Angels
  • 93. How would you label yourself?
  • 94. Someone You Pray Everyday For
  • 95. Did you sing today
  • 96. Who From All Your Ex's have You Cared The Most About
  • 97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?
  • 98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For
  • 99. Are you afraid of falling in love?
  • 100. Do you like the way you look?
asker

Anonymous asked: My wife has been "seeing" another man for over a year now. At first, there were a lot of "rules" wrapped around it. Just recently, we've decided to drop all of those rules and allow us both to have a complete relationship with other people. I still find myself being upset about her being with him sexually. My biggest fear is that he will "be better" than me and she will lose interest in me sexually. Did Glowbug struggle with that? If so, how did he overcome it? Do you have any advice?

polyamoryspider:

OOH! This is a really good question that I haven’t answered in a while so I will gladly do so. 

First off I want to say that it is very big step to start dropping some of those safety rules that you put in place in the beginning…that generally shows a lot of respect, love, trust and growth in poly relationships. Things DO seem a lot less scary or intimidating over time and if everything progresses well you might have need for less and less rules because things will just start feeling natural. Its a great feeling. 

The sexual piece is a big hurdle for some people and I totally understand it causing some concern. I will admit that I have different sexual styles with both of my partners and I think a lot of that has to do with the difference in a newer relationship vs a long standing 7+ year one. This is something that my husband and I do talk about fairly often not as much from a comparison but as a “is our sex life healthy” aspect. 

When my husband accepted I was in love with my boyfriend and we opened our marriage, he immediately accepted I would be having sex with my boyfriend too. Not everyone is like that, but my husband sees love and sex going hand and hand, he cant accept one without accepting the other because they are linked to him. 

That does not mean that there isn’t room for comparison though. This is something we had to kinda discuss our way through. As the person in the middle many people have asked me “so who is the better lover?” and I actually just kinda look at them confused by the question. My answer is that they both are. They both have different sexual styles, different kinks, different bodies/anatomy, and do different things. Both partners I feel comfortable with and I am in love with so neither relationship is “only about the sex” 

When you choose to love 2 people (or choose to pursue that love) you should be committing to having and maintaining both relationships. If my husband or boyfriend were to have an issue sexually with me, I encourage them to talk to me (and we have) and we have dissected the problem and found ways to try and make our independent sex lives better. If the issue was jealousy…well, the only way to get over jealous feelings is with communication and love. My husband has never flat out said “I am worried I am not as good a lover as your boyfriend” because I have tried my best to let him know the things he does that I love. I highlight their differences in the bedroom, I try not to talk comparisons because truthfully, they aren’t relevant. Yes, one is “bigger” than the other in terms of anatomy but there are so many things you can do with all different sizes that you are bound to find things that make you both happy. 

For the last year I have also been seeing a therapist and this is a subject that I have brought up a few times as well. How do you keep that spark/passion alive with a long term partner after marriage and children? She has given me a lot to think about and a fantastic perspective. Being the person in the middle I try to be mindful not to favor one over the other or to give the illusion of favoring. I am not above talking to professional for ideas either out of love and commitment to strengthening my relationships. If things aren’t balanced, I take accountability for it and will typically bring it up to my husband or boyfriend and try to do something just for him to make him feel special. 

Balance is really hard, Its hard to be in the middle facing all that NRE (New relationship energy: hearts and butterflies) and finding the balance. Its also hard for the outside partners to admit they feel jealous or left out. But relationships never grow (especially poly ones) if partners are unwilling to bring up the things that are concerning them. It might be hard to hear or say, but if you are truly committed to making the relationship work then these are things that need to be discussed. 

One of my constant thought processes is “Is this really an issue, or am I just jealous?” then it can morph into “What is the issue here or what exactly am I jealous about?” “Do I have a reason to be jealous? Have they done anything to make me think anything has changed or am I just being insecure?” “Do I just want a little personal attention?” Typically after thinking these things over rationally I can get a solid idea of what is bothering me and bring it up to my partner. Its hard, but It does get easier. 

Remember, don’t lose sight of your relationship with your partner by being TOO focused on their relationship with someone else. 

Keep in mind they are two different relationships to her and they will grow in very different ways because you are surely very different than her other partner. The thing to focus on is strengthening your relationship with her, its hard not to compare, but its also always fun to see it as a little challenge from time to time to mix/spice things up. Example: I bruise super easily so if my boyfriend leaves a bite mark, it actually encourages my husband to do the same. Its like a giddy little game for them. 

I think another thing that has helped us in the past is that when we discussed sex safety and sex rules it was among ALL THREE of us. Sex has never been a taboo subject, in fact all three of us have no issues shopping for sex toys together and discussing what things would be fun even though both boys have no interest in sexual acts with one another.

If it does bother them, it is fairly minimal and most often our comparison issues stem from how often I’ve had sex with one vs the other and them feeling left out. <3

Plans for Today

Baby-Related:

1- Clear out the Nursery half of the bedroom.
2- Empty/Clean the car.
3 - Pick baby stuff up from storage.
4- Bring baby stuff in and begin putting the Nursery together.
5- Find out where I can get a bargain for the material for the baby blanket, crib bumper, and curtains that I’m making for our little Jumping Bean.


Me-Related:

1 - Shower/Bath (depends which in the mood for).
2 - Pamper myself by shaving, exfoliating, and maybe giving myself a mini-pedicure and mini-manicure (perhaps painting my nails).
3 - Nap.
4 - Claim lots of cuddles and a massage from M tonight while having Movie Night ;)

House-Related:

1 - Do the dishes.
2 - Swipe and Mop
3 - Do a few loads of Laundry.

*** We shall see how much I actually get done =X. ***

EDIT: I didn’t get everything done in the end, but I did manage to get quite a lot done that I was setting out =D