wanderliily asked: I don't know if you've seen it, but I finished your mini painting and I posted it (you're tagged in it!:) )
Hey! Thank you so much! I’ll go check it out soon! I can’t wait to see how it turned out!
Today I went shopping at Aldies with my baby brother and Grandma who came to pick me up and bought them with me. I’ve always loved shopping there, and today I got what appears to be enough food to last us the next month:
- Two pounds individually wrapped of wild caught salmon
- Two pounds individually wrapped of Tilapia
- Medium Shrimp (12 oz bag) - resealable bag
- Turkey Bacon
- Green peppers
- Multicolored peppers
- Giant bag of Carrots
- Roma Tomatoes
- Bundle of Bananas
- Bag of Empire Apples
- Cantaloupe (whole)
- Block of Colby Jack Cheese
- Block of Pepper Jack Cheese
- Giant bag of Mexican Shredded Cheese
- Tub of Vanilla Greek Yogurt
- Vanilla Almond Milk
- Orange Juice with Calicum and Victim C added
- Guava Mango Juice
- Seltzer Water
- Two things of Arizona Green tea with ginsion and honey
- Pita Crackers with Garlic and Onion
- Two big bags of M&Ms
- Two boxes of Chocolate Pudding
- Container of Roosted Peanuts
- 12 bags of Beef Ramen
- Minced Garlic
- Priano Alfredo Sauce
Total Amount of Items: 29
Total Cost: 66.12$
And this here is EXACTLY why I love shopping at this place. So much food, so little cost.
astoneinhand said: What’s the app? I need that too!
The name of the app is Credit Karma Mobile and it is a completely free app and updates your score every week. I’ve learned from much from it so far.astoneinhand - the answer to your question.
Productive Grown Up Day
Today has been extremely productive, and very grown up. I got the situation untangled and fixed regarding the workers comp bills that my old job has not taken care of in over a year that were now in collections as my old job FINALLY gave me the information that I kept telling them I needed and have needed forever to fix the issue (and now the snarks are going after the right people/company instead of me).
I also got a really great app that the debt collector was kind enough to share with me so that I can always be in the know about my credit score, and credit report, and that everything is up to date and nothing appears on it that should not be there - AND I found out that I have a really good credit score too =D
I feel a thousand times better now that these issues have FINALLY been taken care of, and as if I can begin to relax as a result.
Not to forget that tomorrow morning is meeting time again with Financial Adviser and I have a list of things to discuss and find out about and be guided on.
All in all today was indeed a great day, and I somehow managed to even fit in a four hour nap too.
EDIT: For all those interested the app is called Credit Karma Mobile.
rhojoprocesses asked: 2/28/14 Every time I read your posts my heart hurts for Wife. I know I dont know hear her side of the story but being a wife myself and having the fears I do, I just cant help but feel Wife has become 2nd.
rhojoprocesses, I think this is very important comment. First, there is aspect of my focus in writing. Second there is the question of roles and reassurances.
Let me address the first. I tend to write about Z (and occasionally Bee) for a number of reasons. Z is newly becoming important in my life, so there is a lot to process about her that I don’t need to process about wife.
I actually stopped writing a lot about wife deliberately several months back. When her and Z started dating, I didn’t want color Z’s opinion of wife. Especially because Wife was dealing with some trauma brought up at her new job, that has since become more mitigated, and whose effects have now been mostly processed and contained. It’s similar to why wife stopped reading this blog — even before they dated she wanted to understand Z on her own terms not through my lens. In short, in my blog usually Z will see herself through what I see, so she is free to correct me at any point, and I can share with the world our development.
Quite the contrary, I maintain a rather incredible relationship with wife. Different from Z, but engaging active and stronger today than before I began dating Z. My interest and love of her hasn’t waned, but strengthened in our almost 20 years together. We just show our love differently than Z and I. Where Z & I use words and physicality, wife and I are builders and our love inspires and challenges. Sometimes that leads us on adventures (including poly) sometimes that leads us to plot new world orders.
On the second point, feeling “second” as you put it is only a problem if you want to feel “first”. But rank order is a shitty way to love and be loved.
Here’s the real question: are you getting your needs met? If your needs are getting met than the rest is semantics. Wife has made it clear that she wants 1) inclusion 2) to be my dessert 3) to feel desired and loved. Wife and I have been poly for 8 years, and I’ve dated Z for about a year. I’ve had other year long relationships — heck Bee and I make 2 years this month — but none with this intensity of my relation to Z.
I think of relationships less in terms of rank and order, and more in terms of levels. Here’s something I quickly threw together so don’t hold me to this, or hate on the use of BFF:
As you go up the emotional commitment also rises, right side is platonic, to show that also rises in emotional commitment. A relationship in any of these boxes I view as a success, so this is less of a relationship ladder.
Anyways, what I mean here is that once you are in LTR love, there isn’t any ranking to be had. I think its fair to say that someone in a higher level “pull rank” in some way on a lower level, but not fair to say that about peers on the same level. So the concept of “second” doesn’t make sense to me. After all if you can be “second” to someone than just as easily you could be second to something — a job, a hobby, a mission. At that point, it has little to do specifically with poly. If not poly then something else would be making your needs go unfulfilled.
I’m working on a post about jealousy, sharing some of wife’s insight soon.
Beautifully put, as always.
Every blog has a “slant,” and so rarely does it truly coincide with life. I, for one, tend to write less about Blondie because—for the most part—we have a remarkably stable, strong relationship, and I tend not to feel a need to think out our disagreements in writing.
If you read Blondie’s blog, it would seem quite different. She finds it helpful to process our disagreements in her posts.
Anything that any of us could say here is invariably a mere piece of a much of a much bigger puzzle.
And the idea of hierarchy is something I’ve always found problematic. While Blondie is without question the most important person in my little world, I don’t see anyone—my friends, my lovers, anyone else—as being inherently “second” to my wife. They’re simply different types of relationship, each carrying their own demands and commitments. That she is so important is a reflection of the time we’ve been together (11+ years) and the experiences we’ve shared, not solely because she’s my wife.
Just my $0.02.
This post, as well as some of the commentary, really got my attention. In my entire life, I have never felt as insecure about myself and my value to another person as I did when Sir and I opened our marriage. Reading his posts describing the young, sexy, super intelligent new women he was so excited about only increased my desperate need for reassurance that I was still critically important in his life (not to mention still sexy and super intelligent – I know I’m not young). With every predetermined limit or boundary that he was ok with removing, I became more and more anxious about my place in his heart. How would I continue to be special to him if we spent the night with someone else, had sex with other people in our bed, etc…?
I came to realize that, while he does love and cherish me, the public and private assurances I crave are just not what he’s about (though I do appreciate the shout outs he periodically drops at the end of a post – I know they are genuine and they mean a lot). Sure, it hurts sometimes, but I try to refocus that energy and appreciate the small things he does, the Jen-specific things. The things that he knows mean a lot to me and says or does for that reason alone. I wish I could say I’m 100% confident in myself and us…I’m at about 90% now, which is a huge improvement. For someone who didn’t want this lifestyle and doesn’t feel that it is completely natural for her, I think 90% is pretty good.
Insightful comments from three different and great blogs, as well as friends.